07 March 2016

Five Perfectly Deplorable Reasons to Open Facebook

As a part time writer, I sometimes get lonely sitting at my computer, staring at a blank screen on my left and the ruins of my last rough draft on my right. The blank screen longs to be filled, and the rough draft begs to be edited. Sometimes I feel like I'm being torn apart, and no one can understand. 

Words can't tell you that you're great or that it's okay that you're wearing the same sweats you've been wearing all week or that your book isn't as bad as the one you're reading on Wattpad. It can't be. Right?

So where can you go for help? Where is the safe place to reach out and find that bolstering support that we all need in our creative endeavors? Where can you discover thousands of "elegant little compliments" that will be there for you even when your family has resorted to slipping chocolate and soda into  your writing space through the cat door and your friends have backed away from your house slowly after catching a whiff of the smell that's coming from your office?

Social media. That's the answer. Facebook. Instagram. Snapchat. Tumblr. Twitter...

These places are safe. They entertain you. They lift you. They love you. Allow me to give you the top five reasons you should abandon your creative endeavors and submit to the power and time sucking addiction of social media.

1-I just need to relax my brain.

Seriously, sometimes ten minutes of thinking is too much. I mean, if you hash out your story too much, then it turns stale in your head and suddenly writing it sounds like the only thing worse than eating brussel sprouts for breakfast. When this happens, take a break. Jump on Twitter and see what the presidential candidates are up too. This is sure to brighten your day, because obviously you have way more common sense than any of those idiots. You'll be yourself in no time.

2-If I don't promote myself, then who will?

This is true. In this day and age, social media is a great way to gain followers and fans. So yes, you should be on your platforms, saying funny things and sharing great images about your characters or your kids or your socks or your action figure collection. Not to mention trying to get the Kardashian's attention on Instagram. Because if they like your comment, you could be set for life. Life.

3-I must tell the world how I feel!

Once in a while, the strangest thing happens. The stars align, your brain clicks on, you settle into your chair, you poise your hands and you type the most amazing prose that's ever come out of  you. Ever. This is obviously a crowning moment and an achievement not to be trivialized, so it's only natural that you should spend the next hour or two either looking for or making the perfect reaction video on Tumblr. Because a picture is worth a thousand words, but one of those Tumblr posts is sure to properly communicate your ultimate triumph to the whole world. All six of your followers. Friends. Whatever they are.

4-I can't get left behind.

What if I miss that perfect picture or slide show on Snapchat, and all my friends are talking about it, and I didn't see it? Not acceptable. Constant vigilance! How can you be a world renown author if you're not up to speed on every single pop culture reference in the world?

5-I just need a little help.

I mean, we're all here to help each other, right? And surely there is someone who has posted a video on YouTube about the exact problem I'm having. You see, my characters need to change a tire on a Hummer only using a flamingo, a golf club and duct tape. I'll start with "Change Hummer Tires." See! There are a bunch I'll just click on...ooh, there's a new princess rap battle.

So you see, let those weapons of mass distraction lose in your life. It'll be worth it. Really.

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