21 March 2016

The Power of Secret Socks

I have this friend. We're the kind of friends who've known one another for forever, but don't hang out much and yet we still feel obligated to get gifts for each other for Christmas. A few years ago, this friend bought me a set of DC super hero socks.

I opened them up and fell in love immediately.

I mean really, look at them. Who can resist wearing a tiny Robin uniform on their feet all day? Or Wonder Woman?

This friend of mine has started an obsession that may never be satisfied. Well, at least not as long as they keep making awesome socks of geeky things that I like so much.

I'm sure you're dying to find out why this is. What compels me to continue to buy fun socks?

Well, here's the thing. Picture the first day of your work week. You drag your sorry corpse out of bed and to the shower only because your muscles remember how to do it without you having to think. You didn't get to laundry, so the options of what to wear are limited to the same thing you wore Friday, or those stupid pants that pinch in all the wrong areas and the blouse that your not so favorite sister bought you for your birthday three years ago that still has the tag on it.

You look around for shoes, and the thought of wearing heels makes you want to weep and then die, not to mention fall over. You spy your boots and figure they'll work. Close enough. Not like anyone is going to notice. Everyone is going to be grumbling about the meetings anyway, so---bah, you had forgotten about the meeting.

Time for drastic action. You need to be sharp. You need to be awesome. You need some empowering and you need it quick.

What do you do?

Pull out the sock drawer and dive for the Wonder Woman socks. Slip those on and you'll feel like a new woman. Each time someone or something tries to bring you down, think of your socks, and smile that knowing smile that always shoots paranoia through your co-worker's hearts.

You've got this. No problem.

There are plenty of possibilities.

Need a ridiculous amount of self confidence? Slip on Naruto.

Behind on a big project? The Flash is your guy.

Going to need magic to get out of the jam you're in? Griffindor to the rescue.

Sure you'll need to go back in time at least once in the day? The Doctor is at your service.

Thinking you might have to rip someone's arm out of their sockets? Chewie is always willing to help.

You see, no need for despair. Just slip on your secret socks and go forth!

How do you cope?

07 March 2016

Five Perfectly Deplorable Reasons to Open Facebook

As a part time writer, I sometimes get lonely sitting at my computer, staring at a blank screen on my left and the ruins of my last rough draft on my right. The blank screen longs to be filled, and the rough draft begs to be edited. Sometimes I feel like I'm being torn apart, and no one can understand. 

Words can't tell you that you're great or that it's okay that you're wearing the same sweats you've been wearing all week or that your book isn't as bad as the one you're reading on Wattpad. It can't be. Right?

So where can you go for help? Where is the safe place to reach out and find that bolstering support that we all need in our creative endeavors? Where can you discover thousands of "elegant little compliments" that will be there for you even when your family has resorted to slipping chocolate and soda into  your writing space through the cat door and your friends have backed away from your house slowly after catching a whiff of the smell that's coming from your office?

Social media. That's the answer. Facebook. Instagram. Snapchat. Tumblr. Twitter...

These places are safe. They entertain you. They lift you. They love you. Allow me to give you the top five reasons you should abandon your creative endeavors and submit to the power and time sucking addiction of social media.

1-I just need to relax my brain.

Seriously, sometimes ten minutes of thinking is too much. I mean, if you hash out your story too much, then it turns stale in your head and suddenly writing it sounds like the only thing worse than eating brussel sprouts for breakfast. When this happens, take a break. Jump on Twitter and see what the presidential candidates are up too. This is sure to brighten your day, because obviously you have way more common sense than any of those idiots. You'll be yourself in no time.

2-If I don't promote myself, then who will?

This is true. In this day and age, social media is a great way to gain followers and fans. So yes, you should be on your platforms, saying funny things and sharing great images about your characters or your kids or your socks or your action figure collection. Not to mention trying to get the Kardashian's attention on Instagram. Because if they like your comment, you could be set for life. Life.

3-I must tell the world how I feel!

Once in a while, the strangest thing happens. The stars align, your brain clicks on, you settle into your chair, you poise your hands and you type the most amazing prose that's ever come out of  you. Ever. This is obviously a crowning moment and an achievement not to be trivialized, so it's only natural that you should spend the next hour or two either looking for or making the perfect reaction video on Tumblr. Because a picture is worth a thousand words, but one of those Tumblr posts is sure to properly communicate your ultimate triumph to the whole world. All six of your followers. Friends. Whatever they are.

4-I can't get left behind.

What if I miss that perfect picture or slide show on Snapchat, and all my friends are talking about it, and I didn't see it? Not acceptable. Constant vigilance! How can you be a world renown author if you're not up to speed on every single pop culture reference in the world?

5-I just need a little help.

I mean, we're all here to help each other, right? And surely there is someone who has posted a video on YouTube about the exact problem I'm having. You see, my characters need to change a tire on a Hummer only using a flamingo, a golf club and duct tape. I'll start with "Change Hummer Tires." See! There are a bunch I'll just click on...ooh, there's a new princess rap battle.

So you see, let those weapons of mass distraction lose in your life. It'll be worth it. Really.