19 June 2010

Wanted: Sparring Lesson from Midget Ninja

Today was sparring day at the dojo. I won't lie, I'm not a big fan of sparring. I can be really fun, it can be completely humiliating or it can be terribly stressful. Today was a bit of all three.

My biggest complaint (at this very moment, about this particular subject) is tall people. Their stinking arms are as long or longer than my legs, and unless I'm feeling frisky enough to get inside their reach (probably taking a punch or kick on the way in) I'm toast. There are a couple of people shorter than me at the dojo, but only by an inch . . . not a foot or more.

So I was thinking about this and came up with a brilliant solution. The dreaded Midget Ninja. There are only rumors that they exist, but being a believer of many things unnatural and strange, including the Loch Ness Monster and men who ask for directions when lost, I'm willing to go with it. I need their help.

First off, sparring a MN would be like everyone else sparring me. “Oh, look at that little person way down there. Aren't they cute in their huge sparring gloves and helmet? She look like a Smurf! I think I'll step on her.” So for a split second I would know how everyone else feels in sparring class.

Then the MN would strike. I would regain consciousness a few minutes later, wondering what the heck happened. Then I would beg the MN to show me how to do whatever they just did (No problem about below the belt/cheap shots, by the way) so I could use their mad skills to defeat tall people in sparring.

This is my solution. Now how do I get a hold of a Midget Ninja, and am I allowed to call he/she that?

2 comments:

Fabulist said...

*cackle* You could just go to china again and spar with a young monk...okay, so you'd probably get you butt kicked by someone smaller than you and then were would your self-esteem be.

Forget I said anything.

-Jo- said...

Are you insane? Have you SEEN those little kid monks? They fold in half three ways and then kill you. Ouch!