04 March 2012

The Ground is Not My Friend

Sensei has a saying. Well, he has like a thousand, but he used this one during classes this past week.

If you're faced with an aggressor, what should you do?

Option A- Avoid the fight.
Yes, yes, it sounds lame, but that really is the best thing to do. I, personally, bruise like a pear. I whine like a mule and cry when people hit me hard in the nose. (Yes, I know, I should be tougher, but I've learned to live with my little issues. It's not my fault my stupid tear ducts are directly connected to some pressure gauge in my nose.) So getting into a fight for me would be bad. Bad, bad, bad. Much better to avoid it altogether.

However, we all know that won't always work.

Option B- Fight
Fine. The guy is quite determined to drag me off to the molester van. Me trying to convince him that I'm not the girl he wants to assault didn't work (and none of my friends with guns are around) so now we're into it.
Fight hard, fight dirty and get away as fast as possible. That's my plan. Kick to the nether regions, kick to the knee, elbow to whatever I can reach and maybe a good old fashioned punch in the neck. Then run.

But what if his gorilla-long arms reach out and grab me, dragging me to the ground.

Option C- Grappling
If you get to option C, it means you screwed up options A and B.
I do not like grappling, mostly because unless I get on top of them and use all of my not inconsiderable weight to sloth them to death (which can work—believe me. Most people can't bench press me.) I'm toast. Slow, round, short everything and stupid hair that acts like a friggin' handle...

But that doesn't mean that I don't try it. Practice it. Turn blue before Sensei calls up when people choke me out.

It's like that in anything. Is there some aspect of your favorite hobby that you hate? Perhaps (for all you writers out there) plotting? Grammar?

Whatever it is, just do it. Learn it. Figure out how to work it into your tools and conquer it. Someday maybe I'll be able to actually win a grappling match. It's not my first choice of fighting venue, but if I have to, hopefully I can be ready.

Or have my friends who carry guns around.


Jordan said...

I've got a gun. I've got your back. How can we take advantage of this in our writing? I'll hold the gun to you until you finish, and you hold it to me? Guess you hold it to me first, since you've actually finished a few things.

Anthony Dutson said...

It's the grammar for me. I've dug out and old workbook and oddly enough, the first few sections cover my greatest weakness: sentence fragments.

Will I be better? Ha! You know I'll still hire an editor. But hopefully I won't send them screaming to the madhouse.

Maybe you could just hire your sensei to do your kung-fu for you. I'm thinking he has a saying for that...

Melissa Lemon said...

Descriptions! Can't I just tell a story and you use your imagination to carry you through? I struggle with characters, too. You're right, we just have to keep learning and practicing.