Low Center of Gravity

Aka-My Big Butt

There are very few advantages that I have at the dojo. The blond hair is usually a sweaty mess by the end of class and clings to my head quite unattractively. The, shall we say, girls are completely obscured by the gi. My rapier wit, while quite sharp, isn't exactly an asset when someone is trying to hit me in the face.

The one thing I can always count on is my “low center of gravity.” This is a nicer way of saying I'm short and round and have a big butt.

When I'm in a good mood I joke about how it took me two years to get all of my chi into my ankles. When I'm in a bad mood I just glare at people and dare them to try taking me to the ground again.

One might not think that being closer to the ground would make it harder to toss me around, but it does. For others. They hate it. Even the tall, athletic, good-looking in the gi people don't usually get it right the first time. They give me a bit of a push, maybe sweep the leg (yes, I just typed that) and I look at them. Perhaps give them a slow blink. Put some effort into it.

Maybe people think I'm nice. (All those who just snorted water or soda onto their keyboards—my apologizes. Better not drink again for a second.) I do have one of those sweet, angelic, innocent faces. The blond hair helps.

Or maybe they're afraid to hit a girl.

Wait, no, that can't be it. Although I do have to admit that girls usually hit harder than the boys do. But the boys eventually get over it. Most of the time.

Anyway, back to my point. One of my goals this year is to lose some weight. Yes, yes, everyone says that. And when it happens, and my butt is smaller, and people can toss me on the ground at will (poor Will) I shall have a moment of silence for my lost “low center of gravity”, and then I will kick something. For fun. And because I can. And I will smile.

And I will need to find a new advantage at the dojo. Any ideas?