Not Nearly as Bad as I Imagined

Of course, my imagination is pretty good, so it can take quite a lot to out-do it.

This month my driver's license expires. I haven't been into the DMV since the last time my license expired, something like 10 years go. A guy at my work got his license renewed a few months ago and had nothing but horror stories of 2 hour long lines and very cranky people. A few weeks ago I caught an episode of the Simpsons that featured Marge's sisters and the way they run the DMV in Springfield—taunting the line with movement and then not actually helping anyone.

So, to say I was a little anxious would be an understatement. Being a controlling, OCD freak I planned my strategy and got on-line to make an appointment. (The appointment was recommended my the guy at my work, who only stood in line for 40 minutes instead of 2+ hours.) Their first appointment of the day was at 7:30am. I have this week off, so I decided to go as early as possible.

When I went over the list of things I had to take with me for proof of identification, I wondered briefly if I shouldn't take my mother, who could testify that I was who I claimed to be and that she had birthed me. Lucky for me, I've got a recent passport, I had some idea of where my social security card was and enough bills to throw at the DMV folks so they could pick which ones they wanted.

As I drove up to the building there were already quite a few cars in the parking lot. (I was 15 minutes early . . . just in case) I imagined a stinky room, loads of chairs, crying babies, people complaining on Facebook via their cell phones, cranky businessmen and much, much more.

To my surprise there were only three people in front of me. I threw my assortment of papers, passports and cards at the man who asked to see them, he gave me a number, I sat down for less than 2 minutes and then a lovely voice called my number to window #3. I was literally out of my house, to the DMV, finished renewing my license and back home in under an hour. My picture isn't even that bad.

Please, Refrain from Shaking

I've got the week off of work. For whatever reason, this fact makes me believe that I have to do more than is humanly possible over the next five days, or my week off will be a complete and utter failure. Yes, I'm an overachiever.

One of my many goals is to check out the fitness classes at the local Rec. Center. This morning I decided to go with the Zumba class. The description said something about Latin dancing and fun. Sure, fine, why not?

Okay, the class was fun. My achilles tendon is killing me after all of the toe-hopping and jumping, and will probably require days of R.I.C.E before it decides to forgive me. The instructor, a very fit, extremely energetic young woman, encouraged us to shake whatever we could, whenever we could.

Said instructor could shake it all day long and hardly move anything. I, on the other hand, shake way to much with the simple act of walking. Any additional shaking due to fitness class is no advised-especially if anyone is standing within a 4 foot radius. Lucky for me, there were plenty of other Latin-dancing-impaired, extra jiggly ladies in the class.

I think the kids having swimming lessons down in the pool were mocking us. Or maybe it was just me.

A Word From Lefty

Hi! Like, I'm Jo's left hand and, like, I just love petting puppies. And I like holding things while righty does all the work. I've totally made it my life's ambition to do as little as possible.

Jo has, like, 2 hands, and righty is completely controlling. She took over everything while we were still in the womb, so I like said, “Woah, fine, do whatever you want.” And righty was like, “Good, I will.” And I said, “Whatever.” Only it's hard to do the whatever sign with righty so distracted and productive all the time. Sheesh.

So like tonight, at the dojo, that cruel Sensei of Jo's decided it would be “fun” to do everything left-handed. I was like “What?”, but he just smiled. Seriously, what did I do? I've been totally good. Besides, righty LOVES this stuff—Karate chop, and all that. Me? No way, I'm not into it. My Karate chop totally looks like a spasming, drunken snake.

Aspiring Author wins today.

Independence Day

Considering I cry every time I hear the national anthem, I'll spare you a sappy post on the 4th of July. Go to this guy's blog and read about a real patriot and then remember that we're here because others died for us.

There I go again with the tears. I'm pathetic.
Happy 4th of July, America.

The Last Airbender

This evening I drug five of my unsuspecting friends to see this movie. Yes, I do have five friends. Or did, before I put them through 2 hours of mind numbing bad acting, over-the-top music and cheesy dialog. Here is what they had to say.

“The only thing this movie bends is crap.” -D-

“The only thing this movie bent was my self-esteem.” -A-

“ . . . I wanted to like it . . .” -K-

“This movie had the same problem as Harry Potter.” -PD- She was referring to too much going on and not nearly enough quirkiness.

“The Last Airbender, bending my heart to the last (air quotes) I loved it!” -Tim- He hasn't seen the cartoon.

“This movie fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.” -A-

There was also a general murmuring about the promotion of tattoos on youth and some other stuff that I've forgotten.

My quote? It wasn't as bad as Clash of the Titans. Now I want to watch the cartoons again. Er, I mean, I don't watch cartoons! Much.

Bratwurst and Green Lantern

What do these two things have in common? Nothing. Nothing except that they both had representation in my day today. No the real Green Lantern (how cool would that be?), but he was mentioned.

Green Lantern was brought up by a guy at my work. We have a big, open area for our office, so everyone hears everything you say over a whisper. This guy doesn't even know what an inside voice is, so we hear everything he says. I'm pretty good at tuning him out, but when I hear Superman and Spider Man, my geek kicks in and my ears perk up.

Apparently this guy thinks Spider Man is better than Superman, and Superman is #1 on some superhero list on the web. He read the whole list, and when he got to Green Lantern he was like, “who the h#*! is Green Lantern?”

Excuse me? I'm not that into comics, but even I know who Green Lantern is—power ring, green costume, Justice League . . . Hello! My inner ninja almost jumped up, ran over to the guy and slapped him up side the head. Don't talk about it if you have no idea what you're talking about.

I can ramble about all sorts of things I know nothing about because I'm blond. Most people can't get away with it.

Oh, the bratwurst? I BBQ-ed some for the first time tonight. A different guy at work told me to steam them in beer first. Uh, no. He also told me I should have some sauerkraut. Smells like vomit—no thank you. They were warm and had grill marks on them. I only bust one of them out of its skin. You live and you learn, right?

Relax?

Tonight at Kempo class we did a technique that requires you to be relaxed to pull it off properly. Ha! I pride myself on being tense 24 hours of the day, 365 days of the year. Do you have any idea what kind of stamina that takes?

Relax? Maybe I'll have to try it sometime.